I’ve been having a lot of conversations about managing upwards lately – whether it’s with clients navigating difficult workplace dynamics, or even with friends who are feeling stuck in their roles. It’s something we don’t talk about enough, but it’s a skill we all need, especially when we want to improve how we’re perceived and build confidence at work.
The truth is, there are certain behaviours that often get in the way, and we all fall into these traps from time to time.
Choosing Your Battles Wisely
We’ve all been there – feeling like we need to fight for fairness at every turn, as if we’re responsible for solving every injustice in the office. But sometimes, that strong sense of fairness can actually get in the way of managing upwards effectively. I know this has been a challenge for me in the past because fairness is something I deeply value. But the reality is, not every battle is worth fighting, and learning to choose wisely is crucial.
When we’re caught up in every little issue, it can come across as combative rather than strategic. I’ve seen this with clients too – feeling like they need to stand up for what’s right every time, only to end up feeling drained and misunderstood.
How it Gets in the Way:
- Fighting too many battles can make you seem difficult to work with.
- It’s exhausting and can cloud your ability to focus on the bigger picture.
What to Do Instead:
- Focus on the strategic issues that really matter and align with your long-term goals.
- Let the smaller things go, even if it feels unfair. Sometimes, it’s about the bigger win.
When Perfectionism Takes Over
I know it can feel impossible to let go of wanting things to be perfect. Maybe you’ve been there – sending that email to your boss and agonising over every word. We think perfectionism makes us look competent, but the reality? It can actually lead us to over-complicate things and get in our own way.
Perfectionism often makes us over-explain, over-analyse, and ultimately slow ourselves down. We think that by controlling every detail, we’ll be seen as diligent, but instead, we can come across as inefficient or lacking focus. And here’s the thing – senior leaders don’t have the time to sift through every little detail.
When we monopolise their time by focusing on aspects that aren’t relevant to them, we can actually put them off from wanting to work with us. It sends a message that we’re not thinking strategically or respecting their time.
How it Gets in the Way:
- Over-explaining can dilute your message and confuse the issue.
- Focusing too much on minor details can monopolise time and make you seem out of touch with what truly matters.
What to Do Instead:
- Practise being concise and to the point. Confidence doesn’t come from perfect words but from clear, direct communication.
- Focus on the solution, not the process, and respect the time of those you’re managing
The Victim Mindset
It’s easy to fall into this trap – feeling like your boss is constantly nitpicking or that your ideas are never quite good enough. And before we know it, we’re caught in a cycle of feeling victimised, like there’s nothing we can do to change things. But here’s the truth: staying in that mindset only disempowers us.
The more we focus on how we’re being micromanaged or criticised, the less agency we feel over our own actions. I’ve had clients come to me feeling completely stuck in this place, and it’s no wonder their confidence takes a hit. But the first step is recognising when we’ve fallen into this mindset.
How it Gets in the Way:
- Feeling victimised can lead to defensiveness and passive behaviour.
- It can create a negative cycle where we no longer push ourselves to grow.
What to Do Instead:
- Reframe the feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow, even if it feels uncomfortable.
- Take small steps to regain control, like suggesting improvements or offering solutions rather than focusing on the criticism.
The Need to Control
If you’re someone who likes to have all the answers or make sure everything runs smoothly, you might be slipping into the trap of trying to control too much. The problem? It often comes across as inflexibility or a lack of trust in others, and that’s a perception you don’t want your superiors to have.
I’ve seen this a lot, especially with leaders who feel they need to micromanage everything to make sure it’s done “right.” But what they don’t realise is that this need for control often gets in the way of managing upwards effectively.
When we don’t let go, we’re not just controlling the details – we’re controlling the narrative others have of us. And not in a good way.
How it Gets in the Way:
- It can make others feel like you don’t trust them, which erodes relationships.
- The more we try to control everything, the more likely we are to lose sight of what truly matters.
What to Do Instead:
- Learn to delegate and trust others.
- Focus on the bigger picture and let go of the need to control every detail.
People-Pleasing and Overcompensating
This is another big one – people-pleasing. It’s something that stops many of us from pushing back when we should. I’ve seen clients who feel the need to over-explain themselves constantly, just to make sure they’re not misunderstood. And in doing so, they end up overcompensating and actually weakening their own position.
People-pleasing often stems from the fear of being disliked or criticised, but it can actually backfire, making it harder for us to assert our needs or draw boundaries.
How it Gets in the Way:
- Over-explaining and overcompensating can make you seem unsure of yourself.
- It prevents you from pushing back or standing your ground when it really matters.
What to Do Instead:
- Practise saying less and trusting that your message has been received.
- Push back respectfully when necessary and trust that you don’t need to justify everything.
Stepping into Confidence
These behaviours – whether it’s perfectionism, people-pleasing, or the need to control – are things we all experience. But the good news is, once we’re aware of them, we can start to make small shifts. Managing upwards is about building confidence in ourselves and how we communicate, and it starts with understanding the ways we sometimes get in our own way.
But there’s another key to stepping into confidence: putting yourself in the shoes of the person you’re trying to influence.
Ask yourself, What is important to them? What do they need to know? How do they prefer to be communicated with? Ultimately, you want to make their job easier and show them that you’ve got it handled.
Once you’ve avoided the unhelpful habits that hold you back, focus on how you can provide reassurance and clarity. What habits do you need to drop to show that confidence? And more importantly, what new habits can you adopt to demonstrate you’re on top of things? Confidence isn’t just about how you feel – it’s about how you show up in a way that resonates with the person above you.
By choosing your battles wisely, letting go of perfectionism, and learning to communicate with both clarity and empathy, you can position yourself as someone who influences with ease and confidence.
